Sweet Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the key to starting over.
It begins to provide a path that guides us away from anger and devastation
toward inner peace.
-Katie Mahon and Joan Luise Hill in The Miracle Collectors
I remember well my first experience with forgiveness. I was either 4 or 5 and had been happily splashing away in the kid's pool of a beautiful outdoor park in the Catskills. Suddenly, my head was submerged underwater for what seemed to be an eternity. When I finally was released, the little boy who was the perpetrator was all apologetic; he hadn't meant to hurt me and didn't recognize the significance of what he had done. In spite of my parents' urging, I never did accept his apology. I was too angry, too hurt, and too terrified to think of anything except for my own feelings. It took a decade before I actually forgave that young boy and realized he had taught me an important lesson. It was the first time I truly understood that water was not to be taken lightly and being cautious around it was essential for survival.
Fortunately over the years, I have gotten better at forgiveness. I now know that forgiveness requires empathy and understanding, grace and forbearance, and, not the least of which is the knowledge that sometimes we are the ones that need to be forgiven. However, navigating our way to forgiveness can be difficult. Sometimes we have to realize we were wrong, even when no harm was ever intended; maybe it was an offhand comment that was hurtful, or an unkind action we thought would be funny, or maybe, unwittingly we caused physical harm to another.
That was the case for Rose who had been in the truck that hit Kathleen while she was in the crosswalk that fateful day five years earlier. While Kathleen had forgiven the driver, she was in for a surprise when she met a woman who nervously introduced herself has having been a passenger in the truck. It was a powerful meeting since Rose was overcome with terror over what Kathleen might say when she told her who she was. And yet Kathleen explained that she had already forgiven her, after all, it was an accident. Kathleen then asked the woman to forgive her for not realizing how upsetting the experience must have been and for not reaching out to her. Now, when they meet in the small town where the accident happened, Kathleen "...smiles and waves as if I am seeing a long time friend although we were simply two people whose lives crossed very briefly one fateful night."
Poet Alexander Pope wrote, "To err is Humane; to Forgive, Divine." Forgiveness brings out the best in all of us, the divine light that allows us to move forward in a new way, unlocking the door to finding acceptance and understanding rather than being immobilized by past hurts. While I hope he doesn't remember that day, I wish I could go back in time and tell that young boy that I forgave him, because as Kathleen says, "I'm glad we reconnected...because I've learned just how wonderful she is." (Joan)